i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
