Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
