thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
