I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
