The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
