he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
FUCK WHALES
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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