why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize