The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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