So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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