What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You are the jesus of drinking
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
