somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize