He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
dude. I can hear the air.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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