If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
