I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
