Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
