We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
