I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
