the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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