First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
