puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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