Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
