i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
