Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize