You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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