wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
