I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
