Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
