If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
