Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
