I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
