none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
