i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
