is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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