I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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