IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
