I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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