I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
