you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthdayâ€
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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