so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
