Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize