I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
