Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
