i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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