We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
