Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
how drunk are you?
Several
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
