My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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