yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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