Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize