Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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