All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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