A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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