just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
