ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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