why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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