I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
