I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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