I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
