If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
