i'm signing you up for texting rehab
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
