god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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