Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
