god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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