Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize