my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
