I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
