but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
