Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize