She is in my trunk
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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