How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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