I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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