I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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