i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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