this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
