The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
