He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
