i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
