i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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