It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
