I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
