i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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