Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
