im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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