Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
