Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize