Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
