are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
farters have to be the big spoon...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
