It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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