HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
