NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
