I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
