Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize