He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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