woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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