I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
40s are totally the cure
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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